The Loser Jeff Stories

Date Occured: July, 2010

Date Written: August, 2010

This story takes place the night after my "An Eventful Night" story. Therefore, you need to read that story first so you know who everyone is, or just read this one and figure it out, whichever works for you.

I was waiting to get off work that evening so WeirdGuy and me could go hang out with these chicks that he was talking about at the restraunt bar. He sends me a txt message saying that if we go hang out at one of the chicks houses, we can't bring beer because her mom doesn't like it. I'm guessing pot is way out of the question then if no beer is allowed? What a buzz kill, I swear, parents are always trying to ruin the fun with their blasphemy.

A few txt messages later, we still can't figure out what to do or where to hang. This is my luck completely. I finally get out of work and head home, still not knowing what we are going to do or whatever, I decide to say fuck it and call it a night. Then my phone rings, it's WeirdGuy. I thought about not answering, but then I said what the hell?

I answer the phone and WeirdGuy tells me that he's with one of the girls he talked of (the other girl, which is that girls friend was out of town), and that him and her and 2 other guys are at the mexican restraunt and that I should come hang. Not wanting to sit a mexican restraunt on a Saturday night, I thought that maybe we should go do something else. However, before I could suggest whatever it was I was going to suggest we do, the girl he's with (he calls her his girlfriend but she's really not as you will find out why in a minute) grabs the phone and starts talking to me:

LyingBitch: Hey, you should come out with us!

Me: Uhm, why? So we can sit at a mexican restraunt all night and look at each other? No thanks, I want to talk to chicks.

LyingBitch: Well then let's goto the local bar. I can be your wingchick and get just about any girl to hookup with you, I've done it before.

Me: Okay, so you want to be my wingchick? Sounds killer, but where are you guys gonna be?

LyingBitch: I will wait outside for you.

Me: Yeah, like I really know what you look like haveing never met you and all.

She then explains to me what she's wearing and what she looks like, which didn't help much at all.

LyingBitch: Well here's my cellphone number, call me.

Me (trying to remember the number): Uhh okay.

LyingBitch: So we will see you in what 5 minutes?

Me: Eh yeah, something like that.

I hang up the phone in excitement, so much excitement that I txt my bestfriend and goodfriend with: "Oh shit! Jeff is going to the bar and has a wingchick!" Now mind you that I just got out a 2 month semi-serious relationship (read my story entitled Girlfriend Follies) and I learned a very valuable lesson from it: DON'T TAKE SHIT FROM FEMALES! Which I should have learned before now, but I have a learning disability.

25 minutes and 2 bowls later I arrive at the local bar feeling good and the place is packed out, I know this because I can't find one fucking parking spot, anywhere. I call WeirdGuy to find out where they are (inside or outside).

Me: Dude, this place is packed! I can't find parking.

WeirdGuy: Uhh just park beside my truck.

Me: Where's your truck?

WeirdGuy: It's a (insert truck make and model here) parked on the side.

Me: I don't see your truck, man this place has no parking at all.

WeirdGuy: I see plenty of parking.

Me: Uh I don't, this bar is booming it seems as there is a sea of fucking cars all over.

WeirdGuy: Dude, where are you?

Me: I'm at the bar, where LyingBitch told me to meet you people.

WeridGuy: Oh we are at the mexican restraunt.

Me (with dead silence for a second): Ooookay why are you over there when LyingBitch told me to meet you here?

WeirdGuy: Uhh we are having margaritas.

Me: Okay well finish those up and come over here, this place is booming hard dude.

Once again LyingBitch takes charge of his cellphone

LyingBitch: Hey, you should come over here.

Me: Uh no, you all should come over here, this is where everyone is at.

LyingBitch: Who's everyone?

Me (with a sarcastic tone and that look on face like "did you really ask me that you dumb bitch?"): Uhhh half of the city?

LyingBitch: Oh well, come over here.

Me: No, I'm already here you come here since this is where you said we would be meeting up.

LyingBitch: We are drinking though.

Me: So finish up and come over here.

LyingBitch: You come over here and then we will go back there.

Me: That's pointless, I'm already here and if we are going to end up here, why don't you just finish there and come here?

LyingBitch is now becoming DrunkenRagedLyingBitch (DRLB for short) due to the alcohol.

DRLB: Why are you being a pussy?

Me: Uhh well first off I'm not, I had a hard time finding a parking spot and I don't want to loose it, besides you just said we were gonna end up back here.

DRLB: Look, just come over here okay? Okay, see you soon.

Me: Once again, I am already fucking over here! What the fuck? You told me to meet you here!

DRLB: Don't yell at me!

Me: I'm not, that's just how I fucking talk, you'd know if I was yelling, trust me.

DRLB: You want me to be your wingchick and now you're not cooperrating, makes me not want to be your wingchick.

Me: Okay, in order for you to be my wingchick...YOU HAVE TO COME OVER HERE! This is where everyone is, AT THE BAR!

DRLB: DO NOT get on my badside! You do not want to get on my badside!

At this point it was like trying to reason with close minded homophobic christian, as I was getting nowhere. This bitch already has 2 strikes against her in my book, one for lying to me and one for threatening me. Her badside? HAHAHAHAHA yeah okay, it's my badside you want to worry about, bitch.

Me: Uhh yeah okay.

DRLB: So come over here already.

Me: You're not getting it, I want to talk to girls, not sit at a restraunt, I told you this.

DRLB: I'm a girl, come talk to me.

Me: You have a boyfriend, WeirdGuy.

DRLB (yelling in phone): HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND! AND IF YOU GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE I WILL EXPLAIN!

Me (frustrated to hell and back): Fine, yeah whatever.

DRLB: Okay, see you in 2 minutes then?

Me: Yeah eh something like that.

I hang up the phone and call my bestfriend (TheBestFriend) for advice. I explain the whole parking, bar, and restraunt story to him. He tells me to just go over there and talk to her and have fun and then come back to the bar. I decide to listen to him and go to the restraunt (which wasn't far from the bar thank God, gas is pricey).

I pull into the restraunt parking lot and see 3 other cars in the lot, this can't be good...at all. I walk in and before I could tell the employees what was going on, I hear my name. I look up and see none other than my bestfriends brother. I can't believe that I ran into him after just being on the phone with his brother not 20 minutes ago, small world. Somehow he knows WeirdGuy, who knows my co worker (TheCoWorker), but he doesn't know my coworker, odd. As I approach their table, I see a chick that looks like a fucking bird, (literally) who I am guessing is LyingBitch (turns out I was right 2.3 seconds later), jumps up and says "hey I'm LyingBitch, sorry about what I said on the phone, I'm drunk". Gee, I wish I could be a total tool to people and blame it on being drunk and get away with it...but only chicks can do that.

I sit down, still talking to TheBestFriendsBrother when DrunkenLyingBitch chimes in out of nowhere and says "Hey, you never called me." I casually hold up my middle finger in her direction, she flips me off back. Good to know the feeling of hate is mutual here.

TheBestfriendsBrother then introduces me to "BigBop" who kept asking me personal questions like where I worked and what my lastname was,..I didn't tell him. I then get asked if I want a drink. I wanted to reply with "Do bears shit in the woods? Is the sky blue? Am I loser?" but I didn't.

They hand me and over half used margarita. I was not amused or happy about this. If someone asks you if you want a drink, normally they get you a fresh one right? Not in this case, or my case for that matter as my luck struck again it seemed. I drink the "margarita" while talking to the various characters infront of me. I nearly finish the thing in minutes flat due to wanting to get a buzz and head to the bar to get a better buzz and talk to chicks. LyingBitch then turns to me and asks if she can talk to me outside, I tell her uh yeah sure whatever and head outside with her.

What followed next was one of the most fucked up converstaions in my entire life:

Her: Okay WierdGuy isn't my boyfriend, I'm just using him.

Me: Okay but wh...nevermind, it sounds like one huge cluster fuck I don't want to get involved in.

Her: Well you see I'm in love with 2 other guys, one is in the military and one lives out of state.

Me: Uhh oookay.

Her: Please don't tell WeirdGuy.

Me: Yeah sure okay.

Her (walking back inside): I love my other 2 men but especially my military man, I get to see him soon.

Me (not giving a shit at all): That's nice.

Her: Oh, I do have someone I can hook you up with though, she lives in Bessemer, I will have to call her though and check her status.

Me: Okay.

Check her head is more like it. Now if her friend is just as fucked in the head as she is, (as most girls from around here are) or more so then I want nothing to do with her. I've had my fair share of crazy chicks over the years (one just recently as of the time of this writting) and I don't need to come cross anymore. We sit back down at the table talk some more. I then notice that we are the only ones in the place aside from the employees. I then add 6+6 and come up with the conclusion that the place is in fact closed for the night, at 10pm on a Saturday no less...I still hate Birmingham.

Finally we are ready to go, but to my dismay we aren't going to the bar. We are all going home..

As it turns out BigBop had work at 11am, LyingBitch is 22 years old and has an 11pm curfew, WeirdGuy was LyingBitch's ride home, and BigBop was TheBestFriendsBrother's ride home. What a fucking buzz kill I swear, I'm all ready to goto the bar, socialize, get hammered, talk to chicks, and possibly get a phone number or 2 and these fucks are wussing out on me big time. So as it turns out, I went home (without talking to any other girl except DrunkBirdLookingLyingBitch which I wasn't really keen on keeping up a conversation with her anyway), jacked off and went to bed.