The Loser Jeff Stories

Things you didn't want to know about me and not much more.

My Stories

Masturbation Follies

Posted on November 11, 2010 at 5:30 PM

Date Occured: 1998

Date Written: 2010


When I was in high school (yes I'm that old, fuck you) I worked for the now defunked Computer City (like Best Buy only they didn't sell TV's and stoves) answering phones then later after graduation, I was put on the sales floor as a stock bitch. This was fine because all I did all day was stock computer software, which was kind of boring but at the same time fun due to all the new release software coming out. This was a good job for me because not only did I learn about programs like Advanced Solitaire, but I also got to stock shit which kept my mind busy (because of how "Tetrisy" the place was with their high shelfing) from everything except one thing, sex.

Though I had a girlfriend at this time, I was still one horny bastard. So horny to the point that I'd rub one off just about anywhere, even at work. One day while I was roaming about the sofware shelves I randomly got horny, imagine that? This wasn't good, though I was the only one in my department at the time, my coworker Don was due in at any minute. I had to act fast.

I quickly found one of those stand up card board things that companies use to market their products to stand behind and began going at it. As I'm sitting there jacking away, looking around for customers, I see someone coming towards me. I put my shit back in my pants and act like nothing is going on. I can't remember if they asked me where something was or if they were just window shopping, after all this is 12 years ago. After they'd gone, I went back the 'ol card board cut-out and started up again. This time was a success, as I got close to cumming, I realized that I hadn't made a trip to the bathroom to collect any sort of "jizz absorbants". Huge fail there. So what did I do you ask? What Jeff always does, makes the best of shit.

I grab a nearby peice of software and came on it. Instantanously my horniness left and I was again back from a great trip to Wank Land. I put the software back and as I'm doing so I catch the name of it and the pic of the front,..ELMO IN SESAME STREET ABC's (or something along those lines having to do with Elmo)!  I look around and to my complete shock notice that I just jacked off in the kids section of my department.  I guess when you're horny you don't pay attention to your surrounding details hu?


I thought to myself, holy shit! I just jizzed on Elmo!  OH MY GOD!  OH HELL NO! 


I was in pure shock and felt odd. These thoughts were quickly interrupted by foot steps behind me. With my dick still hanging half way out my pants I quickly put it away and turn around to see my coworker Don. FUCK! I thought, he saw me, great now I'm up Shit Creek without a paddle. I turn around and act like normal.


Jeff (looking like I just got caught robbing a bank) "Don! Hey man."
Don "Hello."
Jeff "Crap man I think I got a pants issue here with my zipper or something."

By now I could feel the exses jizz running down my thigh so I quickly ran to the bathroom to clean myself up. I get out of the bathroom and go back to my department where I find Don stocking what was left on my cart. I look at him and say:

Jeff "Ever had a pants problem Don?"
Don "Oh, yeah those are something."

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