The Loser Jeff Stories

Things you didn't want to know about me and not much more.

My Stories


Posted on November 19, 2010 at 2:03 PM

Date Occured: 2006

Date Written: 2006

Date Revised: 2010


EDITORS NOTE:  This is an old story I wrote back in 2006 just a few months after I moved to here to Birmingham.  I have revised it for grammar, nothing else.  The full unrevised version can be found here: .  This story was written BEFORE I even knew Tucker Max (the guy that inspired me to write again) even existed.


I was chatting online to my girlfriend at the time and she tells me that she will be going out for the night and won't be back until Saturday. So I figured I'd work until about 7pm or 8pm and get off. Well this doesn't happen due to us being hella busy. I get off work around 10pm and head to my hang out...the local tattoo shop!


Upon entering a friend of mine tells me that he has something for me and whips out some pot.  This excites me. I go inside and was greeted by shits of loads of people. I quickly say hi to everyone and then roll one up and spark it. While doing so, this other guy (we will just call him T) decides he needs to make a beer run. This excites me more so I decide to tag along.  We get in his fast as fuck Honda and take off.  At the gas station we (which was about 2 miles away) blasted AC/DC Highway to Hell in which we listen to on the way there. Nothing really exciting happens next so I'll skip ahead to when we first get back to the tat shop. I come back with a 12 pack of beer and put the beer in the fridge but not before helping myself to one.  I go back outside to see 2 of my friends (who are girls) groping each other. So what do I do? Go get my camera of course!


Upon returning from snatching my camera, I snap a few pics of them, the other guys, the FoozeBall table, and myself. I can't wait to get those developed. T took the camera at one point too, no telling what he took. Anyway, several more beers and joints later we finally decide to head back to my one buddies house. 4 cars deep we jet onto the highway.  My buddy has an Acura, T had some really fast Honda (I don't do cars really), this other dude that knows my buddy had some sporty looking car I didn't catch the make, and me well I had a Saturn LS2. On the highway my buddy is ahead with T behind me and the other dude (I will call him V) behind him. I almost get in front of my buddy when I get stuck behind a semi.  FUCK! Oh well, we aren't really racing at this point so it doesn't matter. We all get off the highway and everyone is blasting their stereo except maybe for V because he's an older type dude. My buddy has as system and so did T, so my factory made stereo was flushed out.


Four roads and several turns later we hit the road that leads to my buddy's house. Here's the formation now as follows (remember this because at the end I too was like WHOA what the fuck!?): My buddy in front, T behind him, me, V behind me. We turn down the road and my buddy and T take off, I kept trying to keep up in my piece of shit car going 60mph in a 35mph but I couldn't. Oh and let me add that this is a 2 lane road, one side goes one way the other side the opposite way. As I'm trying to keep up I don't see anyone in front of me or in back of me. I speed up to see brake lights in the distance. Upon turning onto my buddys street I see everyone has slowed down, but as we pull into his driveway I notice my buddy in front of me. I park my car , get out and T is already talking to my buddy. He said he fucking Dukes of Hazard'ed it over this one hill. My buddy confirmed this as he saw it all. I missed it due to my car being slow as a sloth and my careful stoned driving.



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