The Loser Jeff Stories

Things you didn't want to know about me and not much more.

My Stories

Drunken Neighbor Misadventures

Posted on November 19, 2010 at 3:55 PM

Date Occurred: 2005

Date Written: 2005

Date Revised: 2010


EDITORS NOTE:  This story took place while I was living in Chicago with my ex girlfriend.   It was originally called The Misadventures of the Drunken Neighbor, but I figured that was too long of a title for a story so I shortened it some.  I have revised it for content and grammar.


I came home from work one Friday morning and took a nap. I wake up sometime later and decided to watch Star Wars: Return of the Jedi.  30 minutes into the movie, my doorbell rings. Too early for the mail I thought, so I wondered who it could be. It could be my friend Kat, but she usually calls before she comes by. I answer and nobody says anything, so I answer again. This time a familiar voice is heard. It seems it's the guy that lives on the first floor (I am on the 3rd/top floor of my apartment building) and he wants to know that if I drive him to the liquor store he will give me $5. Needing money I said what the hell, okay.


Little did I know that next hour would be one of the most funniest times of my life.


He tells me to meet him outside in the parking lot in 5 minutes, so I pause the movie put some clothes on and head outside. I get to the back and I don't see him. So I wait a few minutes before going and knocking on his door. As I am about to knock he comes out and tells me that he needs 10 minutes to do something and that he will come get me when he is ready. Back upstairs I go. I continue to watch the movie as time passes on, however after about 25 minutes I finally decide that he must've forgotten or something. I then hear my doorbell ring again and it's him. I go downstairs and this time he is waiting for me. We get in my car and head to the liquor store. I noticed that he was drunk by the way he was acting.  At the liquor store he gets out and goes in. 10 to 13 minutes later he comes back with nothing and says okay let's go.  Back to the apartment building we go. As I'm walking up to my apartment, he stops me and asks if he left his beer in my car. I told him he didn't get anything. He agrees and goes into his place.


Back upstairs I unpause the movie, then I hear another knock at my door.  It's him yet again. He asks me if I am sure he didn't leave his beer in my car, again I tell him he never got anything but he can go look in my car if he wants. We go down to my car and he realizes that it's not in my car but it's still at the liquor store on the counter.  He tells me he will give me another $5 to take him back, but he wants to call and make sure it's still there first. So he goes back into his apartment and I wait around for him to come back. After about 10 minutes of waiting I go knock on his door, no answer.   He must've passed out. I then get an idea to walk around front and see if he's there. I turn the corner to see him sitting on his balcony holding a page from a phone book with his phone on the ground and the rest of the phone book torn up with pages everywhere. I try not to laugh and ask him if he is ready to go. He looks at me and asks go where? I tell him back to the liquor store. He then remembers and tells me to meet him around back again. I meet him in the parking lot and off we go the the liquor store for the 2nd time.


Back at the liquor store he gets out and walks up the the window, not the door mind you, the window!  He tries to open it as if it were the door. I laugh histarically at this. He gets inside finally and five to 8 minutes later he comes out, walks around my car twice then walks to the car next to mine, then back up to the door to the place and turns around and then finally sees me waving at him.  He gets in and we head back to the apartment building. He tells me that he doesn't have another $5 on him and asks if he can give it to me later. I said yeah sure whatever. Even though seeing him be completely shit-housed fucked-in-half was enough payment for me.


We get back to the apartment building and it takes him litterally 2 minutes to get out of my car. He finally gets out and thanks me and walks back around to his balcony. I then see my other neighbor that I hang out with at times and she motions me to come over to her car. I go tell her the that he's wasted and we just got back from the liquor store. She laughs and then starts to talk to me and asks if I want to hang out for a minute. I said sure and went up to her apartment to chill. About 10 minutes my roommate calls and asks me for something, so I leave and go outside to her car. I then tell her about my whole liquor store adventures. She leaves and I go back up stairs and finally get to watch the rest of Star Wars. What a great Friday afternoon I had, I got to watch my drunken neighbor be a shitfaced drunk. Hell like I had anything else to do right?



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