The Loser Jeff Stories

Things you didn't want to know about me and not much more.

My Stories

The Blowjob Mishap Story

Posted on February 14, 2011 at 3:47 PM

Date Occurred: 1995/96

Date Written: 2011


Editors Note: When I was 16 (young, dumb, and really full of cum), I got the worst blowjob of my life...from a 13 year old. I'm writting this story only because it's funny to everyone but me, so you can laugh at my hulmiliations.


The day of my 16th birthday I was able to talk my mom into letting me get my drivers license (if you have met or know my mom, you know that talking her into anything is rather difficult). The next night my friend Michelle called me and asked if I wanted to come to her new years eve party at her house (I had to talk my mom into letting me go do this too). This was a great idea I thought and we set a time for me to arrive. I was more than excited, I was double excited as I just got my license, I'm single, and a hot single girl invited over to her party. Did I meantion her dad was cool with me crashing there for the night...with both of his hot daughters?


However, Michelle and I were just friends, strictly plutonic. She was one of those girls that you just absolutely have no sexual attraction to what so ever like they remind you of your brother/sister or cousin but cool all in the same? Yeah one of those. She was still hot though, just not my type...but her sister sure was! Before I left I took a shower, took a shit, and all the other usual 16 year old boy going out crap. On my way out the door I decided not to bring any condoms, because even though I thought her sister was hot, didn't mean that she thought I was anything remotely cute because I'm not. That move was just one of my many failures in life, go me.


I get to her house and there aren't that many people there, come to find out she either didn't invite too many people or some people weren't answering their pagers. Yes pagers, not cellphones, remember this is 1995 going into 1996. The Internet was just starting to infect random households. Facebook was a mere pipe dream at the time, as text messaging was. Those were the days!


We all had a little mini party, a sort of get together if you will. I started talking to Michelle's dad about just random shit. He was a cool guy, very mellow for the most part, at least he was around me. Turns out some months later I discover that he's a pothead. Imagine that? The closer it got to midnight, the more and more fucked up I got. Midnight came and went and I was tore up seven ways the Saturday. I don't remember how much I drank or smoked that night but it was a lot because at one point I was zoning in and out of falling asleep. Eventually, we all ended up downstairs in the basement where Michelle and her sister resided. We all talked some more and probably played some kind of crazy drunk game, but I don't remember as that was 15 years ago and I was trashed, so sue me.


More times passes and the people that were crashing, crashed. The people that were either leaving of their own free will or getting kicked out by Michelle's dad, did so. I was fortunately one of the ones that was allowed to crash until day light. Now before I continue, you may think you know where this is going, but you have no fucking idea. I didn't either, but now I wish I had.


Her dad's room was upstairs, so up the stairs he went and left just the 3 of us alone. This was great as I've just had a birthday a day before, I'm now sitting with 2 chicks with nobody else around, one in which I'm now giving fuck me eyes to, Michelle's sister. Now what happened next is kind of a blur so I'm going to peice it together the best I can here. Michelle decides it would be best to goto sleep as it's now around 2 or 3am, so off she darts to her room. Leaving me alone with her sister.


Her sister and I talk some more then start making out. Wow, here I am drunken stoned off my ass and making out with a 13 year old. Thank fuck I was only 16 at the time. We then start touching each other like 2 horny marmosets, it was awesome. I realizes where this was going and remembered something...I DIDN'T BRING ANY CONDOMS! FUCK!


Suddenly I get an idea. I will go ask Michelle for a condom! Excellent, now I can bang her sister 5 ways to Friday. What a way to bring in the new year I thought as I knocked on Michelle's door. Still drunk as a skunk, I stumble into Michelle's room. She wakes up and asks what I want. I must tell you, I was completely honest here.


Me (in a drunk 16 year old voice): I need a condom so I can fuck your sister. I left mine at home.

Michelle (half asleep in a hung over voice): Jeff, goto sleep. You don't need to fuck my sister.

Me (looking around her room in pure desparation): Michelle, I just need a condom!

Michelle: I don't have one.



Now one may think this may feel good as well it should, but there was something wrong. Something out of place as I was feeling pain around the head of dick which confused me. Though it was dark and I couldn't really see much, I was able to catch a glimpse of the most horrible thing you don't want to look at. SHE WAS USING HER TEETH! This girl did not know how to give head, at all! I'm guessing it was because she was 13 and hasn't had much practice like one of her 15 year old counterparts. She kept using her teeth and using her teeth, being shit-housed drunk to the point of the room nearly spinning 6 times over, I managed to utter the words "You're biting it!"


Yet, she kept on using her teeth. After of what seemed like a lifetime of pain, she stops sucking with her teeth and starts actually sucking the right way. This results in me cumming. However, as I'm about to cum, she pulls away and tells me to goto the bathroom. RIGHT AS I'M CUMMING ALL OVER MY FUCKING BOXERS AND SHIRT! Yeah go ahead and laugh, dickbrain.


I get to the bathroom and what I thought was over with, had only begun to surface. I look down at my cock and see yet another terrible sight. My fucking cock was bleeding! She had biten it so hard, it started to bleed! I grab some toilet paper and wipe the excess cum along with a mountain of blood off the my dick. At first, it wouldn't stop bleeding. I get water and throw it on my member, more pain comes as it burns. I wipe it off some more and somehow find band-aids to patch myself up, McGuyver style.  I get out of the bathroom and back to where the nightmare happened, only to find Michelle's sister crashed out. Great, now I can't scold for nearly going Lorena Bobbitt on me.


At this point I have no idea what time it is, but the sun is coming up and I'm the only one awake, so I decide that it's best to pass out myself, with my member looking like a mummy.


What a way to bring in the New Year. 

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